Christmas and Vampires

Yes, I am one of those people.

I have already started decorating for Christmas, and it all started a few days ago, a week and half before Thanksgiving.

THAT is dedication people!

Oh and on a completely different note, The 4th movie installment for the twilight saga Breaking Dawn Pt 1 was SPECTACULAR!!!!!

All the others were mediocre but this(and im saying this whole-heartedly) was THE best movie i have ever seen. Paralleled the book in almost every way and did the story justice... FINALLY. :)

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

1. It finally started snowing outside, and this time i think its staying till April.

2. The 4th installment in the Twilight movies is coming out Thursday at midnight and yes, i will be one of those crazed people waiting at the movie theater.

3. Ive been wanting to take up crochet for a long time. There is just something about being able to make your own blankets, hats, scarves etc. thats always appealed to me and i finally bought myself a hook and yarn and i made my first crochet chain!!...but then i tried to do the 2nd row..safe to say it failed..miserably :(. oh well, i will just have one of my more experienced friends show me the tricks of the trade.

4. im now looking for yet ANOTHER job. Oh Lord have mercy on me in my search, I need to have at least some funds for spring semester, at least until i can get a job there. The Lord provides. "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a hope and a future.." well, there you go.

5. I HOPE we can go to Michigan for New Years and visit my sisters. I miss them so much and I could use some encouragement from them about college. They are so wise and they almost always have the right thing to say even if sometimes i dont want to hear it. i love them :)

6. Ive been off of facebook for a little over a month now..?? i think? not to sure but specifics dont matter. I love the freedom i feel from it, not so ingested in everyones lives but instead, im living my own and getting things done and organizing my lists. I can go to bed feeling accomplished :)

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, lucky #7. I have decided to not pursue any relationship with any guy at school, passed a friendship, for at least my whole first semester. I dont want to be distracted and absorbed into a guy and lose focus on God or my school work, i refuse to be led astray. and If the right guy does come along, he will have no problem waiting :)

ok I think thats it for now. Hoping to post some pics soon! Peace and Love

p.s. havent been keeping up too well on my diet and exercise...tomorrow will make up for that hopefully. yay Pilates!!!

Making the most of it

so in this time before i head off to school and being unemployed i get so sort through all the "stuff" piling up in my head, room, and life.

In my head: for instance, I made to-do lists today! Movies I want to see, books i want to read, and things i need to get. It actually had a lot of mental relief and that's always a good thing :)

In my room: Get rid of all the high school crap! and all the little giz-mos and hoo-has that i just don't need and haven't even looked at in years. as well as letters and pictures with people i no longer talk to. lots of space now...for all my other crap.

In my life: i'm definitely finding out who my true friends are. And im "weeding" the negative people out of my life. It is getting hard because some of them i grew close to and have come to realize they can't be trusted and its a rocky road to tread, but a necessary road to go down.


and one thing that i want to make the most of with my time is weight-loss.
Before i go off to school in 2 months, i want to look, feel and BE healthy!
it will just be a good way of starting over. Tomorrow is October 1st and my 1st official day of diet and exercise! so wish me luck!

ill write more later.

COLLEGE BOUND!!...again.

Well I'm not leaving yet, But it is official:

I have been accepted to the University of North Dakota, home of the Fighting Sioux! :) and I'm so excited to finally have direction.

Last weekend I went back to Oak Hills for "Soul Cleanup" which is a day help each semester where classes are canceled and instead there are speakers, praise and worship and everyone prepares the campus for winter. I have a marvelous time and after the lovely nostalgic weekend, I considered going back next semester to OHCC.

But after realizing that I shouldn't make such and important decision that fast and based on a magical couple of days.
And as soon as I got home, I found that I had received my acceptance letter, while I had been gone.
That was good enough for me. I'm going to UND! :)
I already met the lovely girl I will eventually call my roommate, Laura. Im very excited to see what God makes of that relationship.

I've sworn off men for a while. This is the time to focus on me and i don't need any distractions or anyone holding me back or tying me down.

Im ready for this.
Im ready for the future.
Im ready for the next phase.
Im ready for change.

What does God want?

What does God want? I haven't asked myself that in so long.

probably because when i used to ask that all the time, I never seemed to get an answer. So eventually i stopped asking. So ever since i've just been doing what makes sense to me.

but I'm just more confused than ever.
so im ready to stop and ask again.
i just need to find my quiet place.

the C word

ahh yes. the "c" word.
college.
I got back on Sunday from my weekend at UND(north dakota). I went to sort out problems they were having with my paper work and had a tour of campus and stayed with a good friend who attends there. Between the tour and what shes shown me of the college, im blown away, i love it so much and cant wait to get back to school and be productive! i do have some worries however.
I do NOT want to get involved with someone. They will only destract me from my studies and focusing on God.
secondly, I want the right friends. Christian students or mentors to encourage me in my faith walk and hold me accountable.
and last, i want a job part time so i may also make money and not just be spending it constantly and building up my student loans. God please help me with my students loans!

but overall i am very excited for this next phase in my life and i pray that it brings about good things and positive experiences.

hope to write more soon.

and in addition!

may I add that I won that scrabble match mentioned earlier :)

but anyways, God has been GREAT. I have a new job, one with exceptionally pay and 40/hrs a week. He is so good. I know He is in control but i cant help throwing hissy fits sometimes and acting like i have it all together when i just don't.

November is coming up and Im dreading what emotions the anniversary of my dad's passing will bring up. for everyone. Its so hard to believe its been one year already. Its been a HARD and GRUELING one but the whole idea of him really being gone is still alien to me. I know i'll see him again one day, but for now all I have is that hope.

My broth Justin is now officially moved in with us so that is good. great actually. Now I dont have to worry about my mom during the winter and trying to drive back every weekend from college to check on her. I i dont have to worry about shoveling the snow for her, or making sure she has enough fire wood. I finally have help and that is so comforting to me...

Ill write more soon!

Digital Detox

Last night i decided to delete my Facebook. FINALLY! It was probably one of the smarter things I've ever done. Facebook has taken over peoples lives and i refuse to be addicted to it. It was hard for me even to delete it. and that is bad. and secondly, no family should spend more time in separate rooms, on separate computers then they do actually together. which is why tonight i told my mom and brother we needed to play a game of scrabble, have quality family time. Which worked for a while... until the game was over. now guess where everyone is? in separate rooms. on separate computers. what has the modern day family become?

stuck in the middle of an oreo

as i look at this oreo i realize that i have so much in common with it.
the first half of the oreo was the first year in college and the other chocolate cookie side is the rest of college.
and right now im just stuck in between both segments.
blah....white "blah"-ness.


and there is just so much else.

I wish my dad would talk to me on the phone for more than just 3 minutes a month.
He says he misses me but it just doesnt seem like it.

and

its so hard to be patient.
with people...
with God....
with men...
in walmart...
at work....
with men...
...and walmart.


and I wish my step dad was still here. Im so lost as to what i need to do for school and what paperwork I need and how to handle financial aid and how to even mow the lawn and just a crap-ton of other stuff that i have no idea how to do.

its just harder this way.

this blog is nice to write too. it helps me vent but its not like anyone really cares or is reading what i have to write anyways so...

it seems pretty damn pointless if ya ask me. :/

transitions

YWAM emailed me back and let me know that I was accepted to their program. But After much deliberation decided that it was not the proper time to go. My mom needs me and I wouldnt be able to leave her alone all winter,

I couldnt do that to her.

I have a new job. HALLELUJAH! Lord know I need the funds.

I want to be financially self sufficient and pay off debts.

Everyone is leaving to go back to school. Some I will miss. some I wont. Some I will cry over irrationally. But this time apart will be good. very good...I hope.

Its all in Gods hands.

patience is a virtue

No news yet from YWAM, but I'm eagerly awaiting their reply.
I think God is definitly trying tyo teach me patience through this situation...
I realize it has only been 4 days but that is exactly my point. Im just so hyped up to find out if this trip is happening for sure. I havent felt direction like this in a long time. which is great after months and months feeling like a compass on top of a magnet, just going in circles in all different directions, horizons, and possibilities.

I will just have to keep reminding myself what my favorite book says..."11 For I know the plans I have for you,..plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

and im holding on to that and verse 12 "Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. " ...and OH, am I seeking you, or at least trying to.

Fixing the broken Compass

For the first time in a long time I feel like I have direction again.

I applied for YWAM University of the Nations based in Herrnhut, Germany DTS. Im praying this is in Gods plan for me, and it makes sense that it would be. I would be traveling all over central Europe, learning and growing and developing in all areas of life as well as with God.

Ever since my stepdad passed away I have been very lost and unclear on what God wanted for my life. the plan I had in mind had chanmged entirely becuase there were all new factors to consider. Life had changed and so did I.

But within the last few weeks I have been really praying and thinking about whats next. YWAM has been on my mind for a while. Today I decided to research different DTSs and I found Go Europe Mobile DTS and just applied. It seemed to works so smootly and I have a calm about it like im on the right path. and Im praying Im going in the right direction. Im hoping if it wasnt from God then it wouldnt feel right or be working out or I wouldnt have as much support as I do. But its been a few hours and Im done with applying, sent reference forms and I already have so much prayer support and encouragement from people. But im hoping that if its not meant to be, the door is shut soon. But we shall see where this road leads!